The Surf Crazed Virgins of Death Trap Reef
The American Lieutenant was on a daring mission destined to bring Hitler's War Machine to a screeching halt. Little did he realize however, that the mission's success would depend on the Sexy Surf Queen Virgin Goddesses of the All-Girl Underground French Resistance Squad.It was a hairbrained scheme and Dave wondered how it had all come to pass. Why it was just one short month ago that he was in the States. He had responded to an ad in a national magazine, hoping to earn extra money in his spare time and it turned out that the work to be done was for the U.S. Army. Things happened fast after that. The Army sent a big bus to Dave's hometown and picked him up and within two weeks he had finished their crash course in combat school. Now here he was parachuting behind German lines on the French Coast trying to figure out what had happened.
Thump! He was down safe and the night's darkness was giving way to the approaching dawn. Suddenly, he saw them. They were gathered around an old wood station wagon wearing skin tight wetsuits which strained to contain their magnificent Bazommers; that seemingly erupted like an active volcano or an overflated football. He heard them talking about the great rides they had the day before at Tubesteak Point and they tittered gleefully as they described each exciting wave.
Were these the Nazi Dyke Fraulines reported to be on reconnaissance? Or were they the Sexy Surf Queen Virgin Allies he was sure to make contact with? Dave was unsure but he had to find out. Slowly sneaking behind the station wagon he managed to pilfer one of their Harache Sandals. On the sole of the sandal was scrawled a slogan or motto. Dave struggled to read it. Hecho en Mexico. Ah, yes, he thought, there can be no doubt -- these girls are French, not German.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Dave slowly entered the girls' camp. To avoid frightening them he cautiously greeted them from a distance at first then moved closer, waving a large American flag and a picture of Maurice Chevalier. Dave stuttered as he tried to speak his great opening line with its complicated arrangement of passwords, but the girls had already realized that here was the man they had been waiting for. Even before Dave could get another word in, the girls were frantically ripping off his pants, anxious to get to work unpacking the Giant Howitzer which he had cleverly camouflaged beneath his jump suit.
Dave marveled at how well the girls handled the erection of his big gun. Why, they did the whole thing without even consulting the operations manual, which had been specifically created to help avoid the numerous mistakes which were usually made when working with such a complex piece of hardware. In fact, the girls hadn't even bothered to look at the illustrations. These Surf Virgins are amazing thought Dave, no wonder the guys back at Fort Org had spoken so often of their exploits. The written accounts of their bravery were seemingly endless and they adorned the stall walls of every latrine in camp.
When the girls had finished with the massive gun, they exchanged stories and information with Dave, who at this time was quite aroused by their sense of urgency. The Virgin Queens told Dave that Hitler and his personal staff would arrive that very afternoon to study the movements of Geese indiginous to the area. Apparently Hitler needed some inspiration in revising Parade choreography for his troops. Dave also learned that the girls were escaped P.O.W.s who had barely survived the Nazi Hell-Camp Torture Techniques and each one was capable of tearing Hitler's heart out with bare hands, if given a chance. Yes, each of these girls had a deep personal hatred for Hitler, but despite their knowing desire for revenge, they all agreed that Dave should assassinate the Furor because nothing on earth could stop his explosive lust to kill. A skill he had acquired in only two short weeks.
As expected Hitler and his men arrived at mid-afternoon and all was in readiness. The plan was simple, the girls would entice Hitler's men into riding the large breaking waves, promising their beautiful bodies to the men who dared to ride the outside reef. This would leave Hitler alone and unguarded on the beach, where Dave lay in wait for his opportunity to strike. Oddly enough Hitler would make things even easier for Dave and the girls since he was actually an avid surfer himself and was presently perfecting a maneuver he called the "Nazimoto". As one might expect, Hitler's views on surfing were indeed unique. As a matter of fact, Hitler was the only other person in the history of the sport besides Greg Noll, who so strongly favored the Big Wipe Outs over all other methods of self-expression.
Everything went as planned. The foolish Nazis, each lusting for the torrid voluptuousness of the Virgin Queen's ripe flesh, paddled for outside. Their own desire had so obsessed them that they had failed to notice the dropping tide and the ominous warning of the swirling boils of water that encompassed the barely submerged surface of Death Trap Reef. One good clean-up set was all it took. The large waves moved forward as the tidal movements exposed the reef and the entire platoon of Kraut swine was hurled onto the gnarly coral. Then as they grasped about helplessly, their bodies ripped and bleeding, the girls opened fire with the Howitzer. Moving rhythmatically with each throbbing explosion, the giant gun responded to the Virgin Queen's capable handling and Hitler's hand-picked legion was silenced forever.
With their mission completed, the girls returned to the beach, hoping that Dave had succeeded in his efforts to assassinate the evil Hitler. They called his name, but he did not answer. They looked all afternoon but not a trace of either Dave or Hitler was to be found, the beach was completely deserted.
To this day, no one can say for sure what happened on the beach that day. Strangely enough, Dave turned up back in the States shortly thereafter but refused to even acknowledge the fact that he had taken part in the daring mission. Doing quite well for himself with what is probably the largest V.W. franchise in existence, Dave flatly refused to comment on anything concerning Hitler or the Virgin Surf Queens, and Hitler's death remains a mystery.