We Get Letters...
Dear Mr. Zog: I'd heard that your sex wax worked great as an underarm deodorant, but I was afraid of getting a rash. Well, I went ahead anyway, and after two months of continual use I am unable to detect any sign of unusual skin irritation.
Yours truly, Spotty Lance Hidden Valley Leper Colony
Dear Mr. Zog: I recently saw Woody Allen's latest film -- "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex Wax", and they didn't include even one surfing sequence. How Come?
Yours truly, Confused
Dear Confused:How Come, and other questions concerning bodily functions of the sexual experience should be answered at home or in the Sex Education courses offered at your local school, not at the movie theatre or this Newsletter.
Dear Mr. Zog:;Is it all right for virgins to use Sex Wax?
Respectfully yours, Anxious
Dear Anxious: Yes, virgins can enjoy the benefits of Sex Wax without fearing a change in classification. In fact, we will soon have a new cherry-scented wax made especially for the beginners in this fast growing sport.
Dear Mr. Zog:;I saw your product advertised in the Surfer and Surfing magazines, so I rushed out to try it. The only thing good about it was the price -- $.30 to $.35 for a surfboard is phenomenal but performance-wise it's a total failure. In the first place the bar is so small I can barely stand on it. Secondly, the design is all wrong, whatever possessed you to make a round board, the conventional style is much better. Lastly, the damn thing doesn't even float me which makes surfing impossible in water any deeper than 1-1/2 inches.Yours truly, B. Zhar